Today in relief society, the lesson really touched me.

This time of year is really tough for me, getting ready for my surgery, the doctors visits, the blood work, ultrasounds, they all remind me of my infertility, the physical and emotional pain is always there but during the year I can usually cover that up with keeping me busy or stressing about something else.

The one thing I always wonder is "did I choose this? Before we came down here did I choose this as my trial?" Especially when we are somewhere where there are families with little children like sacrament! I love watching the different couples react in different ways when there child throws a fit, or when there child is being funny and they are both trying to not to laugh and act like they are paying attention but still can't help to laugh, how some parents are strict and some are more laid back, how some children are nothing like there parents and others are a spitting image of there parents. I notice how many women are expecting which in our ward is a lot we have a lot of young married college students in our ward, or how many they announce has just recently had a newborn; but in some odd way every Sunday watching and noticing all this helps.


Today in relief society the lesson was on Our Heavenly Family.
we talked about Personalities and talents while we lived in heaven, to think about our talents and gifts you have been blessed with.
That maybe sometimes when we think about how we were in heaven before we came down here that we were all alike, that we did the same things. we weren't, we all possessed different talents and abilities and personalities. we can learn more about our "eternal possibilities" when we receive our patriarchal blessings.
Our Father in Heaven knows who we are and what we did before we came here. He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities.

When I am having a hard time trying to figure out who I am or what I want out of life I go to my patriarchal blessing, it always seems to help. But when I am having some trouble with the infertility I still go to my patriarchal blessing because it does say I will have children, but it does not say specifically that they will be my own children or adoptive children; but I will have children and raise a family.
But that is where I am having a hard time what will it be? I am perfectly fine with either one but I also would like the experience of having my own child.

This particular part of the lesson is the one part that really touched me....

"He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities."

If or when we finally have our little child I know the Lord picked that child for us to be in our home and life for that certain time, maybe because at that time we will need that child's individual personality.
It makes me think of when Dejanae was born last year, it was very unexpected and she was born almost a month early, she made that Christmas day a very happy spiritual Christmas day we will always remember, in such a unhappy time with all the trials we were facing, she showed us we would be OK and that life moves on!

Or maybe even think of it this way, if we aren't able to be blessed with a child of our own I know some where out there, a child that came into a women's life that had enough sacrifice and love for that child, to give that child maybe a better opportunity, she is not only giving that child a better opportunity but answering another couples prayers and giving that couple an opportunity as well.
Brock is so much like our family that it always amazes me, even though he has different colored skin and he was carried by someone that wasn't my mom, he I have no doubt in my mind was meant to be in our family. His mother wasn't a horrible person she was actually a good person she just wanted him to grow up with opportunities and a good life, because of her sacrifice we were blessed to have Brock become apart of our family.
Its like a gift.

The one thing that I will ask people not to do is, Don't act disappointed when you find out that you are pregnant, don't act like its a horrible thing, yes its a scary and nerve racking but think of it this way the Lord is putting that child in your life for a reason it is a blessing, a gift; treat it that way!

This post is for me personally to remember the lesson we had today, so if you got lost in this post or didn't really understand what I was getting at I'm sorry!