Heart Broken...

Yes another depressing post, you all must think I am such a negative person! Its just one thing happens after another & it gets really tiring!

Today Ali & Max went to the Vet and got fixed they are in so much pain & so out of it, but I can't really do anything to help them but to just sit by them and pet them and make sure they are comfy, that's not all though,

we have to give them up I am so heart broken about it that every time I talk about it my eyes tear up. Yes I know they are just dogs but I am a HUGE animal lover & always have been & I am completely attached to these two dogs they have been with Kyle & I for 4 years now. I know I have complained on here how big of pain in the butt they are but I still don't want to give them up.

We didn't want to give them to just anyone & I want them to go to a home together because they do not like to be separated ever! & I didn't want to put them down. We needed to find a home for them where someone has had a boxer before and understands the responsibility they have to have with them, boxers need A LOT of love and attention.

So Kyle talked to some people & found a place in Richfield that is called Boxer Adoption, this guy and his wife take just boxers into there home & find good homes for them, and apart of a family adopting the boxers is they have to sign a contract stating that there health will be kept up, its a home where they already have a boxer of have had a boxer, they have to have the time to give them the attention and love they need, & they are required to keep them inside the house, if the people do not keep the agreements in the contract the boxer adoption people will go in and take the boxers back and find another good home for them, so I feel a little better about that. But its still really hard for me, you all are probably laughing your head off right now because they are just dogs but I really am attached to them they kept me company while we lived in Nevada, they are very protective of me.

I just hate to think that they will be thinking that we will come and pick them up after a few days and then we will never show up, or they will think that they did something wrong, or we don't love them any more, when its not that at all. I have to go back to work full time & Kyle will be working full time, we won't have any time to spend with them. we can't find a house to rent with two big dogs.

I really really don't want to do this! I am really having a hard time with this!

I want to keep them but I know we can't, I just want them to go to a really good home one that they will go together and be spoiled like we have spoiled them & we have taken such good care of them & would spend a lot of time with them and gave them a lot of love,

I don't want to do this! I don't want to let them go!

WE FINALLY MADE IT!.........We thought we missed the horrible Utah winter, but mother nature had a welcome home gift for us.....snow! I am freezing my butt off here! We left Nevada at 95 degrees and came to Utah to 35 degrees! ITS ALMOST MAY, IT NEEDS TO STOP SNOWING!!



It doesn't even feel like we have moved, I woke up this morning thinking, "gol I have to pack and drive 4 hours back to Nevada". I am so glad we are done packing and un-packing, that was such a pain in the butt!



This last week has been so stressful, & overwhelming, not just because of the packing, but because so much has happened in just one week.......

My parents are moving to New Mexico (THANK YOU SO MUCH PIERRO FAMILY!!!)
Kyle got layed off (because of 2 very dishonest people....jerks!)
my dog is in heat (I do NOT want another litter of puppies)
Kade got an internship with an amazing construction company
did I mention I HATE TO PACK
my house was a mess
so on & so on...

OK. so that is a small list but each one of those are huge changes in our lives! Kyle & I are stuck we don't know what to do, this is when I hate being an adult, I wish I was little again & my parents could just make the important decisions for me so I wouldn't have to stress... but then again this is an opportunity for my relationship with the Lord to grow!

Kyle is leaving late tonight to go down to Las Vegas to work for a week, while I will be calling a vet to get my dogs fixed & then who knows what will happen next with us Christiansen's will we be staying here in Utah or heading down to New Mexico?? ??

We are home, after our little getaway in St. George.

our weekend included.....

relaxing at our hotel

(we stayed in the crystal Inn, my first time staying there, it was great I totally recommend it to everyone)

shopping at the outlets

we went to a movie, the Knowing... we didn't like it at all, it was way weird!

went back to the hotel, watched another horrible movie, Fireproof one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen!

(I guess it wasn't a good night for movies, but we still had some fun!)

Hiking up snow canyon to 3 ponds, hiked 6.5 miles to find out they were 3 puddles! They were pretty much dried up so if you go on this hike make sure its after a big rain storm, because when they are full they are pretty cool you can even swim in them!

(this is where Kyle & I both learned that we need to get into shape!)

Got a call from the pet resort, they were having trouble with Ali & Max escaping! I don't know what there deal was but they were sure giving those ladies there run for there money!

ran to pet smart to find some relaxant pills for the dogs but they were out, so our secret... we bought Bynadryl, its safe for dogs & it calms them down fast!!

more shopping!

another movie, this time Kyle picked of course we went to fast & the Furious, it was alright any movie was better than the two we watched the night before!

went out to eat at Olive Garden, MMM I love that place!

went back to the hotel & snuggled up & relaxed!

no we didn't swim, our pool was packed 24/7, I was a little disappointed I wanted to get some sun!

picked up the dogs, they were ready to come home, & the ladies were ready for them to go home!

We had a lot of fun, just the two of us! Kyle spoils me like crazy & I really appreciate everything he does for me! he is such a hard worker, & we love being around each other we are best friends, I'm really going to miss seeing him every night after work, but I know he is doing this for me & our families right now, & I just pray that I can find a good enough job to support us so he can go back to school like he wants, he deserves that & much more!

Thanks Babe! It was a great weekend! I love you!

SURPRISE!

I'm off for the weekend! My amazing husband surprised me last night after he got home from work that we are taking the dogs to the pet resort in St. George while we go have some relaxing fun!

Its our last weekend here in Nevada, & our last week being able to see each other everyday, Kyle knows that with him traveling down to Vegas each week, while I am in Sanpete is going to be really hard for me, & I have been stressed out to my limit this past week, so he called the resort got Ali & Max booked there & then booked our own room in St. George.

so the next couple of days we will be swimming, hiking, & a little shopping!

Isn't my husband the best!!

PACKING

The past couple of days have been crazy! I have been going through everything & man do we have a lot of stuff! I have been getting rid of a lot of our things, we have about 6 big bags of clothes to send to the DI & many more bags to come because I haven't even gone through all our clothes, I still have our dressers & closet to do,

we have 3 big 50 gal bins full of blankets, 3 35 gal bins full of towels, winter clothes and much more! I have no clue how we have so much stuff & we have only been married for just a little over a year!

I have also learned that my husband is a pack rat! He doesn't like getting rid of anything, that's why I am doing all the packing!

Can I just tell you how much I hate packing!

so yesterday as I was trying to attempt to pack, Ali & Max (our dogs) got really quiet which means they are doing something they shouldn't be...... I walked into my room, as Ali & Max ran to there beds and laid down this is what I found!

They decided to play with the toilet paper! (again)

you would think they have grown out of this stage!

They know better, that's why they ran and laid down & every picture they are peaking over the bed to see what I'm going to do! they usually aren't bad dogs they haven't done anything like this in a long time, its just we haven't spent a lot of time with them because we have been busy and that's what they do to get attention, even though its bad attention!

They probably just though they would help me make the house messier, since it looks like a tornado has come through!

Back to packing! only 1 more week until we are back in Utah!

This year for Easter we had my family & Kyle's family come down. They were supposed to be getting out of the cold but it ended up being kinda chilly & rainy, but we still had a lot of relaxing fun! I didn't get very many pictures, I know I suck at getting pictures!

This was our weekend fun!

{Thursday} my parents drove down & we went into Mesquite and ate some dinner, for some reason we were all in the mood for Denny's. It was kinda sad though because were Denny's is at is the Oasis casino and they are completely shut down except there RV park, there was no gambling machine or anything its sad what the economy has come to.

{Friday} I got up & made breakfast for everyone. Robert & Kole arrived at our house, all the boys got the four wheelers out and had some fun on them while the rest of us got ready for the day. We then headed to the fair, thanks to Lana we all got wrist bands to get in free, Thank Lana we really appreciated it! It finally warmed up for a little bit while we were at the fair, we watched the hypnotist, played games, ate, road some rides! It was a lot of fun! That night we went home and the boys had a air soft gun war outside for hours while us girls watch a movie.

this picture is of me and gen on the catapult, Gen hates these kind of rides but after 20 minutes of begging her to go with me she finally said ok! I had to hold her hand so that she wouldn't changer her mind at the last minute! she loved it so much we went a second time!

{Saturday} we all slept in on account of having a late night! we all got up hoping it was a warmer day but it was raining all day so we decided to go into Vegas to hang out & eat some dinner we went & walked around Town Center & looked around, Kyle & I got everyone a little Easter gift, we then went and had some yogurt at yogurt land of coarse, its kyle's favorite! we decided instead of spending more money to go watch a movie we went home to play a game, dye our Easter eggs & watch a movie. We played the game pictionary man, it was a lot of fun! I totally recommend it for a fun night at home!

{Sunday} We woke up early & tired on account of another late night, & headed off to church, it was a really good sacrament meeting! we then came home and had some lunch and hung out at the house & outside since it was finally a good day, the boys played another game of air soft wars, & went on another ride on the four wheelers it was time for everyone to start heading home, so we decided that we would follow my family to mesquite grab some pizza & go to the park and eat, we were there for a while talking and the boys playing some football and then my parents had to get on the road. Robert & Kole decided to stay another night and head in the morning we came back to the house and watched a movie.

Even though it wasn't the best weather and we didn't do a whole lot it was a much needed weekend of relaxing fun! Thanks everyone for coming down and having some fun with us! we Love you all & hope you had just as much fun as we did! & we hope everyone else had a great Easter weekend!

HABITS

I am a little stressed out right now! I have a lot on my mind!

and when I have a lot on my mind I write or in this matter type about it, it helps me get it all out and sometimes helps me see what I need to do!

I blame this habit on my mom, she has notebooks after notebooks full of stress, frustration, experiences, & life, & I now have my own little collection of notebooks full of the same things,

Like mother, like daughter I guess!

CAUTION: These are my thoughts, & opinions only, & this will probably be a long post!

First, wasn't conference just awesome this year!?

They talked a lot about Faith, and having hope and having an uplifted spirit! why can't we have an uplifted spirit?? Just because the world is in a dark place right now does not mean we need to be, if we are doing what is right & living our lives the way the Lord wants us to, then why shouldn't we be happy? why shouldn't we have faith & hope?

We all have our own trails right now, no matter if its losing our home, losing a family member, losing our jobs, dealing with an illness, or even as simple as just having a bad day, we all fill the same way. We all get down & have our moments & that's OK, because sometimes we need to have those moments to get our answer or to get it all out, those moments are OK as long as we don't lose our faith and hope!

right now I am having one of those down moments & I am hoping that typing all this down and clearing my head will help me find some answers, not that conference didn't help me, it did! but just the last 24 hours has brought me some stress & confusion.

sometimes when I write things down, I go back through what I have wrote and realize that I need to listen to my own advise!

As I have talked about this last year & all the trails my family and I have faced in recent posts, I am sure you all know what they are so I won't go into detail.

But even though we have faced trail after trail the Lord still seems to bless us no matter if it is BIG or small, no matter if it is noticed by others or something just that person who needed the answer can only see. we are still getting blessed.

I have realized that a lot of my blessings this year have come from being patient, that is very hard for me, to be patient,
I grew up being a spoiled little brat getting what I want when I want it I blame this on you parents!....... no not really, I know you spoiled me out of love & the fact that I was a very persuasive little girl! so this being patient, I am sure you all have learned when you were young, I am just learning at the age of 22!

Another horrible habit of mine, is planning my life out the way I see it happening. I planned on getting married to an amazing guy, which happened so I thought to myself "great! everything is going the way I had planned" I then planned on getting pregnant & having a beautiful child, being a stay at home mom, getting into a beautiful house, having more kids and being a happly ever after family!

we all know what happened next, I had my miscarriage, went through a very long down time and realized (after writing a lot!) that we need to go through the Temple and be sealed so that our children can be born under the covenant. Thinking that solved our problems we began trying again!

A year & a couple of months have past, with getting my hopes up time and time again (I blame myself for that one) a lot of physical & emotional pain, one surgery (and many more to come), and now fertility treatments....

still no baby??

I thought this month was going to be the month, I even told Kyle "this is it, we are going to have a baby, we are going to be successful this month!"

still no baby? the Lord once again had different plans.

Again realizing that, these things that I have planned out aren't done in my time or when I want them to happen, but in the Lord's time when he sees that they need to happen.

But still, I sat up all night and cried, not only because of the disappointment I had with mother nature bringing me a present, but because now that my uterus and ovaries are a clean pallet for the endometriosis to paint yet another master piece on. (very painful!)

I feel like I am running out of time, that we just cleaned everything out to start over, & month after month that we fail to get pregnant the less chance I have of having a child of my own, this next month is the last month I have to be successful on the fertility, if not successful then what?? what is next?

what am I supposed to do? what are my next steps? I asked the Lord over and over last night. In conference Saturday they talked about prayer, he said (sorry the speakers name has slipped my mind) instead of asking the Lord "why?" we need to ask the Lord "what?" what are my next steps?, what will you have me do?

I admit I have repeatedly asked the Lord "why", why me? why now? why can't I be like other women and have a good pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby?

& maybe that's why I haven't got my answer, because I was asking the wrong question.

could it be something that simple??

we will see.

I am still going thank my Heavenly Father for the many blessings he has blessed upon me & my family, I am still going to pay my tithing, study the scriptures and pray daily, fast when I need to fast, attend church, and go to the Temple (oh, how I love to go to the Temple, maybe that's where I need to be, right now!?)

I am going to be patient, and like they said in conference have faith & stay hopeful!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!

Kyle & I were looking through our wedding pics the other day and found this picture of Chris, we couldn't stop laughing forever!

We hope you have a GREAT day!

WHERE TO GO......??

We are headed back to sanpete county!.... at first I didn't know what to think about it, I was glad I was out of sanpete and I didn't want to move back....ever! well now I have to eat my words!

Everyone is probably so confused,let me tell you we are too! first we were buying a house in St. George then we were building in Hurricane, last we had found a house in Toquerville, it seems like we were just slowly getting closer to Sanpete! But the reasons we are moving back to Sanpete out weigh the drama, rumors, & gossip that I hate about that place.

so after a lot of praying, fasting, & patients we finally got our answer......

We feel like right now we need to be close to family, as things gets worse in the economic crisis family is all we really have & we need to help each other out!

also because of the economy we need to get rid of most of our debts & play it safe until things are a little more stable, so instead of buying or building a house right now, even though its the perfect time to do that we need to save as much money as possible... just in case a few surprises pop up!

I hate the economy!

and OK maybe being back home in sanpete won't be all that bad I'm actually really excited to see all my friends and spend some girls nights with them! But the most exciting thing is being close to family & watching my nephew & niece grow up!

Kyle will still be traveling to Vegas to work so I won't be able to see him during the week, that is going to be the hardest for me. But with some help from family and friends & the Lord I'm sure I will be OK!

what I would really love is that I could find a good job so Kyle could go back to school! that would be great! so if any of you know of a good job opening please let me know, I am willing to travel!

where are we going to be living in Sanpete you ask....?

In my father-in-laws basement! Yes he is going to let us crazy people live with him for a while until we figure some things out! Thanks Robert! I hope we don't drive you insane!!

we will be moving at the end of April, so pretty soon! pretty darn soon! So I hope you sanpeters are ready for us crazy, insane moapians! haha just kidding Kyle & I are pretty darn boring actually!

ahhh! I hope I'm ready for this!

To celebrate Kyle's birthday, we started on Saturday. I took Kyle out to eat at the famous All you can eat sea food buffet at the Rio. If you know Kyle you then know that since we have moved down here he has wanted to go there, he loves sea food!! I then took him shopping. we even got to see the strip completely dark for earth hour it was kinda neat!

On Monday the Hardy's did a little cake & home made ice cream for kyle, & it was delish!!! Thanks Lana, Ashley, & Heather! ( I didn't get any pics because I forgot my camera).

Yesterday I made Kyle his birthday dinner he picked pork roast with cooked onions, carrots, and red potatoes. Salad with everything you could think of to go with it, and mashed potatoes I even added my secret ingredient in with them, with some brown gravy. I then got Kyle out of the house to run some errands for me and when he came back I had the house dark, with candles every where in the kitchen with his present sitting on the table.

He even got a card from Europe, from James it arrived just in time so I added it to the present at the dinner table. Thanks James! And he did recognize the picture on the front that was the first thing he said "I've been there!"

I got Kyle an I pod touch he has wanted one since they came out & is always on Kole's when we go visit so I decided I would get him one!

with the Skull Candy ear phones.

We then ended the night with watching a movie and Kyle downloading all his 700+ of is songs onto his new I pod. It was a fun weekend and night!

Ky I hope you had a great birthday! you sure do deserve it plus more! I love you!