OK, so just an update on what we decided when we went back to the doctor.

we decided that we are going to do the fertility treatments one more time, the first couple of months we will keep the dosage low and if I'm not pregnant then we will up the dosage and go another couple of months. After six months if I am not pregnant we will go off the fertility and go back into surgery and take my left ovary out, then I will go on the shots to give my body a break for the rest of the year, because after all this and I'm still not pregnant I am going to definitely need a break!

on the other hand things are going pretty good, Kyle is doing really well in school and is soaking everything in, he has really surprised me on how much he has already learned he also gets to start his clinic time which he is excited about, less time of seeing each other but its okay he is working hard for the both of us!

I'm back to work and its okay, there are a few people there that don't understand what I am going through or what a lot of women who have endometriosis go through, but I don't expect them to completely understand but they should at least be somewhat respectful about the situation, oh well what do you do? I think a lot of people think that having endometriosis is just dealing with not being able or have a hard time getting pregnant when there is so much more about it.

Valentines weekend was amazing it was so nice to go out with Kyle, we didn't do anything big just a movie and dinner but it was great to spend time with him since we are both getting busy again! sorry I haven't taken any pictures lately I just haven't felt to creative or in the mood! hopefully soon I can update with something fun but on the other hand my life hasn't been that eventful and to tell you the truth its kinda nice that way at least for a little bit!

2ND TIME AROUND

This last week I had my second Laporoscopy surgery; this is how it went:


This year Kyle was able to go with to help him better understand the disease and process that we have to take.

early Tuesday morning we headed down to the hospital, we did the lab work and then headed up to my room for the day, of course one of the surgeons we behind in there schedule so I didn't end up going onto surgery until a little past twelve but it was alright, Kyle was in his big comfy chair doing his homework and I was in my bed with a bear claw hospital suit on ( its a hospital gown that has a pump that hooks up to it that blows hot air in the suit to keep you warm) watching TV.

About 10-15 minutes before I went into surgery the anathesiast (sp?) came in to talk to me about some different things he then gave me a relaxant to "calm my nerves" he said, and then walked out I didn't need the relaxant I wasn't nervous at all! about a minute later the last thing I remember was telling Kyle to text my mom and let her know when they take me back and then blank nothing at all I swear I was asleep but kyle said I was wide awake talking with him and the nurse and then they were ready to take me back I gave him a kiss and we said a prayer but I don't remember any of that at all, that must have been a strong relaxant!

I was in the recovery room and woke right up, last year I had difficulties waking up but this year I woke ready to eat (later I regretted that!) and was asking right away about what they had seen, my doctor came in the recovery room, which last year he didn't and explained that once again my surgery that only was supposed to last a hour lasted four just and hour short from last year. Once again there was so much endometriosis and scar tissue, and another large cyst that again was as big as an orange sat on my left ovary. The worst news it had spread farther up and throughout my body they found some endometriosis on my liver, But there was little good news this time, my tubes were clear, scar tissue free which is really good and even though I had another cyst forming on my right ovary it was a lot clearer than my left side.

So I was a little disappointed, I thought going into my surgery this year that it wasn't going to be long at all because I had had a surgery just a year ago and didn't think that it would have spread that fast and it even surprised my doctor that is had spread throughout my body that quickly and now we have to make sure it won't make its way up to my lungs, it was a surprise just like last year, but I do have a little more hope this time around with my tubes being clear now all we have to do is figure a way to make it so my cysts don't grow so big and block my eggs, which is going to be pretty tricky considering that I have polocystic cyst syndrome and that's what the disease does!

our next step....

well we are back to deciding to take the shots that will put me in a fake menopause to give my body a break or do fertility treatments and up the dosage on them. we have a week to decide and I am lost on what to do this time around my body sure could use a break and seeing how fast it all spread scares me, but then its like what the doctor said its gotten even more serious and my window of opportunity has gotten smaller, quickly. This is what he had suggested at the end of Feb we will start the fertility treatments with a higher dosage watching me carefully making sure we don't over stimulate my ovaries, we will do another 3-6 month trial. At three months we will go and do a ultrasound to watch my left side to make sure its not creating another massive cyst and if it hasn't we will keep doing the treatments then again at six months another ultrasound to check my left side if I am not pregnant at that time we will go off the fertility and the next month put me on the shots for the rest of the year, or if I do have a cyst at either ultrasounds they will take me into surgery again and take my left ovary out.

Taking my left ovary out scared me, but my doctor talked to me about it and explained a couple of things that somewhat made me feel better he thinks that if we took it out I would actually have a better chance of getting pregnant, so why didn't he just take it out during my surgery with that huge cyst I don't know I was a little confused myself, he actually wanted to but he didn't have my consent because he didn't think it was going to be as bad as it was, and like I said before neither did I so we both didn't think to bring it up.

All I can say now is that I am a little overwhelmed with it all and we are back to the beginning again and that frustrates me more than you know! I am and will be disappointed for a little while but I know at the same time if I am doing my part the Lord will do his.

Today in relief society, the lesson really touched me.

This time of year is really tough for me, getting ready for my surgery, the doctors visits, the blood work, ultrasounds, they all remind me of my infertility, the physical and emotional pain is always there but during the year I can usually cover that up with keeping me busy or stressing about something else.

The one thing I always wonder is "did I choose this? Before we came down here did I choose this as my trial?" Especially when we are somewhere where there are families with little children like sacrament! I love watching the different couples react in different ways when there child throws a fit, or when there child is being funny and they are both trying to not to laugh and act like they are paying attention but still can't help to laugh, how some parents are strict and some are more laid back, how some children are nothing like there parents and others are a spitting image of there parents. I notice how many women are expecting which in our ward is a lot we have a lot of young married college students in our ward, or how many they announce has just recently had a newborn; but in some odd way every Sunday watching and noticing all this helps.


Today in relief society the lesson was on Our Heavenly Family.
we talked about Personalities and talents while we lived in heaven, to think about our talents and gifts you have been blessed with.
That maybe sometimes when we think about how we were in heaven before we came down here that we were all alike, that we did the same things. we weren't, we all possessed different talents and abilities and personalities. we can learn more about our "eternal possibilities" when we receive our patriarchal blessings.
Our Father in Heaven knows who we are and what we did before we came here. He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities.

When I am having a hard time trying to figure out who I am or what I want out of life I go to my patriarchal blessing, it always seems to help. But when I am having some trouble with the infertility I still go to my patriarchal blessing because it does say I will have children, but it does not say specifically that they will be my own children or adoptive children; but I will have children and raise a family.
But that is where I am having a hard time what will it be? I am perfectly fine with either one but I also would like the experience of having my own child.

This particular part of the lesson is the one part that really touched me....

"He has chosen the time and place for each of us to be born so we can learn the lessons we personally need and do the most good with our individual talents and personalities."

If or when we finally have our little child I know the Lord picked that child for us to be in our home and life for that certain time, maybe because at that time we will need that child's individual personality.
It makes me think of when Dejanae was born last year, it was very unexpected and she was born almost a month early, she made that Christmas day a very happy spiritual Christmas day we will always remember, in such a unhappy time with all the trials we were facing, she showed us we would be OK and that life moves on!

Or maybe even think of it this way, if we aren't able to be blessed with a child of our own I know some where out there, a child that came into a women's life that had enough sacrifice and love for that child, to give that child maybe a better opportunity, she is not only giving that child a better opportunity but answering another couples prayers and giving that couple an opportunity as well.
Brock is so much like our family that it always amazes me, even though he has different colored skin and he was carried by someone that wasn't my mom, he I have no doubt in my mind was meant to be in our family. His mother wasn't a horrible person she was actually a good person she just wanted him to grow up with opportunities and a good life, because of her sacrifice we were blessed to have Brock become apart of our family.
Its like a gift.

The one thing that I will ask people not to do is, Don't act disappointed when you find out that you are pregnant, don't act like its a horrible thing, yes its a scary and nerve racking but think of it this way the Lord is putting that child in your life for a reason it is a blessing, a gift; treat it that way!

This post is for me personally to remember the lesson we had today, so if you got lost in this post or didn't really understand what I was getting at I'm sorry!

A NEW YEAR

New Years Eve we went to The First Night in Provo, this year they held it in the Provo mall because of how cold it was.

It started out a little slow we all just walked around the mall to see what activities they had going, we then came by a eating contest we tried getting Kyle and Chris to do it but they wouldn't, but I don't blame them because of what they would have ate!.....raw crispy squid! they even stunk so bad! (EEWW!)

Getting a little hungry ourselves we headed down to Red Robin, just to let you know I hate that place! I'm not a big burger fan unless they are BBQ'd the way my family does it, and I was craving Wingers pot pie, mmm the best pot pie ever!

After the not so delicious meal (that I only had because that's where my husband wanted to eat, I know I am such a good wife!) we went and found Chris, Kailee, and Mr. Kael dancing the night away!

Where did he learn how to dance??

Maybe from his uncles!?




As the night went on and it got closer to midnight everyone headed out to the parking lot for Provo's own countdown and ball to drop!

To take our minds off the cold weather we had fun taking some pictures!




5, 4, 3, 2, 1..... Happy New Year!

Our first kiss of the New Year!

and then we decided to do a little more smooching to get some good photos!

Kaden and Kole didn't have dates so we took some pictures of them watching the firework together (ahh! nothin like brotherly love!) and Robert watched the fireworks with Mr. Kael so we could get some pictures of his mom and dad smooching!

Now for some of our plans for the New Year of 2010!

Kyle has been excepted into the very competitive program at UVU for Paramedic/Firefighter and has already started his classes, I have no doubt in my mind that he will do such a great job & graduate at the top of his class. I am so proud of him to be going to school and thinking about the future and finding a reliable career so he can take care of his family, and its something he is so very excited about, he says its a career that will keep him in shape and he is helping people at the same time! Kyle has about a year and a half or more of schooling so we are just at the beginning.

As for me, well another surgery is scheduled for February 2ND to help me with my Endometriosis and Polacystic cyst syndrome, including taking out a 14 cm cyst in my left ovary and a 8 cm cyst in my right ovary and to ad to that they think I have a harmone missbalance with my progesterone so the plan this time is...have the surgery clean me all up as good as new, after I heal put me on a higher dosage of clomed (fertility) and if, I mean ONCE (gotta stay positive) I get pregnant they will put me on progesterone shots throughout the pregnancy so I can carry the baby full term! If it doesn't work we will do this all over again next year! Other than that I will keep working and staying busy at Thanksgiving Point, its a good job and I have some good friends there!

Not much will be going on this year in our home we will just be staying busy with work and school and that's about it! But we are hoping and praying that this is the year we all can move on from the horrible past two years and start over! That this year will go smoothly with only good surprises!

THIS CORNER HAS A STORY

THIS CORNER HAS A STORY.

Every year my family goes to the Temple lights, and every year my dad stands by this corner bringing back memories of his childhood. Even though its not a very happy memory, its made him the man he is today.

Your probably wondering how a corner can make him who he is?

When my dad was a child, everyday him and his sisters would make their own hot pads and walk to this corner on Temple Square and sell them for $0.50 each everyday no matter what, even in the winter, they would then go home and show there dad how much they made so he could then take the money and go down to the bar or grab himself a nice juicy steak while my dad and his sisters would mix water and flower and eat the clumps for their dinner, if they didn't make the right amount of money there would be consequences. But there was always consequences, because his dad would always end up angry at something and beat them.

This is only a small part of his childhood there is so much more, so much worse, but I can't imagine a little boy and girls younger than the age of 8 selling hot pads on the corner and going through everything that they went through, I know it happens everyday, everywhere but to look at my dad today and see who he is and what he has accomplished just makes me so proud!

He could have given up so many times in his life, and even these past two almost three years now have been the most difficult for us but he is still going strong. I know there are times we all just want to give up and have our low moments but some how we just keep going.

My dad having a horrible childhood at such a young age going to foster home to foster homes, being an angry rebellious teenager and then one night out of his life realizing that if he keeps going on the path he was on he would have ended up just like his dad, he then got himself into college moved from temptations and was on his own making himself a better person gaining a testimony finding a great wife and raising a family, and building his own successful business. He changed his life, he got on the right path after everything he went through and built his last name to be something to be proud of.

This corner

has turned into something us kids look at and realize what my dad has accomplished in his life something we can be proud of!

I love you dad, everything is going to be OK and we are going to get through all this and move on and things are going to get better!

DECEMBER

First off I have to wish this beautiful little girl a

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY

I am extremely lucky to be able to spend a lot of time with Miss Deja, I have been able to watch her grow and learn so many new things over the past 5 months, she brightens my day when it starts out bad, I just know I am going to end my day with her making me laugh at the funny little things she does! Deja has such a sweet little spirit and I cannot explain how much this little girl touches each and every one of our hearts, she has such a funny personality and a beautiful smile! she sure does love getting her way but she doesn't have to try to hard to get it! Deja came into our family at a very needed time she was a true answer to our blessings and gave us all strength and faith to hang on and make it through another year!

I LOVE YOU MISS DEJANAE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Last weekend we were able to make it to the Daley Christmas party, we had a lot of fun snowmobiling, sledding, and snowboarding, we then went back to Oma's and had a delicious dinner and dessert ending the night with some fun games! Kailee you did such a great job at planning it all! we are looking forward to next year! ;)

The week before we went down to St. George/Nevada for Kyle's cousins wedding. We rode down with Chris and Kailee and we all had a lot of fun! We stayed in a condo in St. George, we went to the sealing in the St. George Temple and it was such a beautiful and spiritual sealing, it was also our first time in the St. George Temple!

while we were down in Nevada we took Chris, Kailee, and Kael into Vegas for the day! Kael at one moment decided he wanted to show his mom how much he loved her by grabbing her head and hugging her as tight as he could, he did this for probably about 5, 10 minutes and I was able to get a few photos! We also went to the Fashion Mall and Kael liked the Louis Vuitton Christmas display and a little girl that was walking by with her parents decided she liked it too!




Robert wanted a family photo, but it ended up as a funny photo shoot!

This year we also got the chance to go to the temple lights, that is my favorite part of Christmas! Deja loved all the lights but stayed in her stroller it was pretty cold that night, can you tell by Deja's little red nose! I thought it was pretty cute!

We had a fun and busy December this year but loved every bit of it, we are ready to start a new year with Kyle finally getting started in school at UVU for a paramedic fireman we are really excited! And with another annual surgery in January, we aren't to excited about the surgery but it will give me a few months being pain free, that is what I'm excited about and maybe we might even start looking into invetro we will keep you updated! we love you all and hope your Holidays are great, and that you had a good year!

A couple weeks ago Kyle and I went for a Sunday drive up Provo canyon, & I had some fun taking some pictures!

It was such a beautiful warm day!