DO YOU KNOW....
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
WELL HERE YOU GO!

We have been married for 1 year & a 1/2, and we keep growing closer and closer together. We have been through many trials together while we were dating and now as husband & wife but we manage to get through them and that's what makes us grow closer! I think this trial we are going through now is one of our biggest but many more are to come, I am confident we will get through them together, the way you have takin care of me the past two weeks makes me fall in love with you even more! you have been amazing and I thank you for that!

Kyle has been so amazing to help me out the past couple of weeks since I have to stay down, his days have consisted of going to work at 3 am untill 6 pm, coming home taking care of the dogs & checking on me, running to the grocery store, stopping at the Inside scoup and grabbing some dinner and desert, coming home putting away the groceries, doing some quick wash, eating our dinner and then going to bed! I think he is a little pooped and I don't blame him! but he has been such a big help and I am just so thankful for him to be helping me and to have such an amazing hubby to be there for me not just physically but emotionally too, I have been so up and down lately that I'm driving myself crazy! but he has been there when I need a shoulder and has been there when I need a good laugh, and man can he make me laugh, he is such a goof and knows exactly how to make me happy!

I LOVE YOU BABE! THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO!

Picture Overload**

They are out of order but this is a little review of our Holidays in Sanpete!

This is a day of sledding at my parents house, we had a lot of fun! don't mind my awesome freakin beanie its all I had and I hate when my head gets cold!

Christmas night at the hospital after Dejanae was born! The picture below this one is Kade showing us Dejanae since we couldn't go in for a little while, he was so proud!

Christmas morning eating grapefruit sprinkled with sugar for breakfast!
Christmas Eve after opening our pj's, Kyle wouldn't put his on for the picture!

This is the family listening to my mom read the Christmas story!

Gentry and Kyle being dorks together as usual!

Bubbas opening his pj's! He is such a stud!
we had so much fun this year for Christmas and New Years, spending time with both our families and friends!

Hopes up once again!

All of you know that I went into surgery yesterday (Tuesday), & in my last post I had explained how excited I was that I wasn't going to have to take that dumb shot! I obviously spoke to soon! this is how it all turned out!

I had to be at the hospital by 8:45 a.m. everything was going smoothly, I loved my nurses they made me feel extremely comfortable and made me laugh like crazy! I prayed and prayed like crazy all morning! I then signed thousands of consent forms while laughing some more at my nurses! They were then ready for me to go into surgery my mom, sister & I then said a prayer as I was getting rolled into the freezing cold surgery room there was a view of the Provo mountains and I couldn't help but think that after this surgery things would be changing I didn't know how I just knew they were, they got me all hooked up to all the computers and screens and some more things that I have no clue what they were, I then thought I better get in one last prayer before I doze off.

The next thing I can remember is being in the recovery room and the nurses telling me to breath, I guess I didn't do to well under the anethesia, it was a little too strong for me and my body would over relax. I fell back to sleep and woke back up in my room with my sister and mom I looked at the clock and it was past 2:00 I knew that if the surgery went well it was only supposed to only last a half hour but if they had found something it would had taken longer so I thought they found endometriosis not a big surprise! I asked my mom what they had found and she said well Lind they found a lot of endometriosis you have stage 4, but they also found a giant cycst as big as a large orange, now with cyst they usually go away on there own but if they get to about 8cm you have to remove them, mine was about 10-12cm my doctor has no clue how he missed it especailly doing a pap the day before just to specifically to look for a cyst. Because the cycst was so big and hadn't disappeared on its own I was lucky I had gone in for surgery because if it had burst on its own I would have bled to death, and because it did get so big without bursting that was a big concern they are now running test on the cyst to see if it is cancerous.

So because of the outstanding cyst and outstanding amount of endometriosis I have to do the shot and not only just for the 4 months but for 6 months to a year.... and because of endometriosis I only have 50/50 chance of having a child, so we definatly won't be trying for next month for a child or for a year for that matter.

I know this is all on the Lord's time and I know everything happens for a reason, & more people out there has it way, way, WAY worse than I and I know so many people are praying for me and I really appreciate it so much! I just don't think this is going to be easy for me & I'm sorry if that affends some of you, but let me just explain one thing ever since I was young I have wanted to be a stay at home mom I have never wanted a big career I just wanted to have a family and I know I will some day but this is horrible news to me and I don't know what to do or say or even how to act about it any more I know I need faith and I do, I just need to figure out how I feel right now and it may take some time, I'm sorry I don't mean to complain because I am the last one that should, but I know some friends and family wanted to know what had happened yesterday, and that's it. horrible news, thank you for all your prayers and concerns but the Lord just had different plans for us right now.

SO.... I am up in Utah this week for my surgery, I had an appointment to meet my surgeon and talk about everything that was going to be happening tomorrow and what he will be doing. Great news!! I don't have to go on that stupid shot that will put me through menopause... well for a little while at least! The other specialist that I had met earlier this month was just filling in for him at the time, and he says she can get a little aggressive about things like that. what he wants to do is go in clean out all the endometriosis and scare tissue from the cysts and then next month or whenever my body decides to ovulate we can start trying again... but if we don't get prego within four months & the endometriosis comes back we will then have to do another surgery, or do the shots and when we are ready to try again they will put me on fertility drugs. I am still nervous about the surgery but things will work out I know I have a lot of family and friends praying for me and it really helps out a lot! I just feel so much better about this whole surgery thing now that I don't have to take that shot!

Sorry this post and my last posts have been so boring a lot has been going on and we have been having to do a lot of decision making and been put in a tight position with some things but we are slowly getting things figured out and I do have pictures to post so when I am back in Nevada recovering I will be posting some pictures!

JUST A LITTLE THANKS!

I just wanted thank you all so much for your uplifting comments and thank you for understanding that I needed to figure out how I really feel! When Kyle and I talked about what the doctor had said to me and what was going to be happening he looked at me and said didn't we already know you had endometriosis and I will tell you what I told him, we have been told by so many doctors that they were pretty sure I have endometriosis, but we never did anything about it we just went on with our lives, now its a reality, its there and its not going to be going away, every time before we have a child we will be doing this surgery and shots all over again until my uterus and ovaries can't take it any longer. As I have been home for a week now and had some alone time to think and as I have had Kyle and my family there by my side telling me no matter what we will figure things out and it will all work out, I am ok, I will still have my days where I will get frustrated but I'm ok. I think I am just scared but if I am scared I can't have faith and I need my faith! so on the 20Th I will say my prayer take a deep breath and go in for my surgery and have Faith that this is going to work out and I will be able to be painless for a year and I can't tell you how excited I am for that! But thank you all for understanding and for all your advice it really does help to know that you all are listening and are willing to help! Thanks :)

Disappionted :(

So I have debated on writing this post, why? because I am sick of complaining when I know so many people have more horrible things to deal with. Today was the day I have been waiting for, for quite a while. I had built up nerves, I was trying to stay positive to the point where I got my hopes up, I always do that to myself! today was my doctors appointment, by the time I got out of my doctors appointment I felt like I had been hit in the stomach and my heart had been ripped out of me and stomped on. I went in there with a positive attitude and came out with nothing I didn't know what to say I didn't know how to react and I still don't.
The doctor came in and we talked about what has been going on:
The horrible pain
migraines
dizziness
horrible horrible pain
vomiting
not being able to use the restroom with out crying
weird dull pain in my shoulder
cysts
infertile
& some more horrible pain
not being able to move or function in this horrible pain.
she then looked at me, and said straight out I have no doubt in my mind that you have stage four endometriosis, there are four stages in endometriosis 1 being the least and 4 being the worst, she then told me why it was so painful & and this is for all you non-believers who think I can just deal with it! the horrible pain I am feeling isn't just a normal cramp its actually a contraction, like giving birth naturally so all you lucky ones get the normal cramps while I am going through labor once a month and that's why I am always tired & don't have any energy! she then told me what was going to happen in two weeks:
I will go in for surgery they will cauterize (burn) all the scare tissue and clean everything up, then give me a shot for 4 months that will completely shut down my ovaries, now the part Kyle is so excited for I will then go into a temporary menopause ya the whole hot flashes, moodiness, night sweats, the shot is giving my uterus and ovaries a break and cleaning all the endometriosis out that they couldn't get to, then I will get off the shot and wait up to 2 months for my body to go back to normal and start ovulating again and then we can try to have a child, Yes there is still a small chance for a child! a year later I will go through it all over again! so the good news out of all this is we might be able to have a child of our own the part that really gets me down is we can't start trying again for another 7 months that broke my heart I was so naive about the whole thing! and everyone just keeps telling me to be positive and I know I need to be but I also need to work through my feelings about the whole thing, so right now I'm not positive about it I'm sorry I know that sounds selfish and I just need to be patient but the whole things just sucks that's all I can say! it just completely sucks!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

WOW! I can't believe your 24, been married for 3 years, & have your 1st child! Man your getting old!! :) ........ Just Kidding! I hope you have a GREAT day! Happy Birthday Kade, we Love ya!