JUST THINKING

Tonight while I was sitting watching a movie with Kyle someone said....

"If you wanna Know how to make

the Lord laugh, tell him how

YOU planned your life."

that little saying really made me think, if we were able to plan out our lives what would the point of all of us being here be? I have learned so much this past year, first of all it being the first year of mine and Kyle's marriage and us making some very important decisions. That marriage isn't just playing house, that you have to work at it together and communicating and compromising are extremely important. We both have learned so much about each other and ourselves, even though I already thought I know everything about him I mean we did date for four years! But I was wrong we have learned a lot about and each other and still do everyday! Like everyone said the first couple of months are the hardest, I was extremely homesick we were trying to get comfortable with living with each other and our new responsibilities. We were constantly fighting it got to the point where I started to think "did we rush into this, did we make a mistake?" I was talking to my mom about all of this because I was scared that after just two months I failed my marriage, she said " sis, did you really think you could do this with out the church in your lives? And she was right, we weren't going to church at all and had only gone on and off for a couple of years. Kyle and I talked and that's when we decided we were going to go through the Temple. We reached our goal this last July and there has been a major difference in our marriage and our own personnel selves, its amazing how strong its made us and how much happier we are and how much faith we have I personally now have a true strong testimony, now that I look back I don't know how I made it through part of my life without the church.

One major thing I have learned this year is that every bad or lets say every choice we make without prayer and fasting has its own trials, and every bad and good choice we make has its own outcome, my family and Kyle and I made a choice this last year without really praying about it, we put our trust in a family member and we also thought we were helping other people too, because we didn't pray aboutit like we should have my family faces their biggest trial, they now have to start their lives completely over. Now if we all had prayed and fasted and put our full trust in the Lord instead of this family member would it have been a different outcome, you better believe it!

And then their are things that happen that no matter how much praying and fasting we do we won't know or get the answer until later on in life like a miscarriage or a illness that can't be cured or an accident, sometimes there are just accidents that happen and you can't explain how or why it happened and even if you search and search for those answers you may not get them for a long time or until the Lord knows your ready. And that's where we need to have faith, and if its supposed to be then things will work out, now I'm not saying sit back think positive and it will just happen for you, you have to take those steps to make it work and if it still doesn't feel right or work out then it wasn't supposed to be. Just like prayer we can't just say a prayer ask the Lord for the answer, we have to do our part and search and ponder first.

I know so many people going through so many trials lately its like one thing after another. I don't know if its just the year or what but I have noticed I am always looking at the negative instead of the positive, for example this whole week I have been so cranky, down, and irritated I could come up with so many excuses why but tonight I have realized what has really been bugging me. Kyle has been working his butt off so he can bank hours so we have more time with our families over the Holidays, he knows how much I love the holidays, and how important it is for me to be with family so me being stubborn and selfish I have been cranky and snappy at him when really I just wanted to spend more time with him, I know I'm weird like that! I didn't realize how spoiled I was, being able to spend so much time with him every week until it was taken away from me and instead of thinking he is working his butt off for me I went straight to the negative and was mad because he wasn't here to spend time with me! man am I horrible or what?? I am so thankful for everything Kyle does for me and my family he is truly such a sweet heart, and I love him so much! So my new goal is to start seeing the blessings I have, and look more at the positive!