MY MIND IS GOING CRAZY!

As Kyle & I headed up to Utah for our Christmas vacation I knew it was going to be a good two weeks, and it has turned out to be a GREAT two weeks! Christmas eve we spent with my family and it was so spiritual and amazing, Christmas day was even better we all got what we wanted especially my gorgeous new niece! and just knowing we are all going to be able to start over with a new year is just so great!
The past month has been a little up & down with different emotions, two days before Christmas was the day I had my miscairrage and I really thought I was going to be fine but then thinking that I could've been a mom with a 4 month old baby spending his/her first christmas with my family kinda got to me.... and still knowing that it has now been a year and we still don't have any answers is really irratating! On Friday night we went out to the movie and I saw a family friend and her beautiful little adopted girl she actually has two adopted little girls and they are so beautiful and me keeping my options open I went and talked to her about the adoption agencies she went through, she actually said oh that's great they are looking for people right now to adopt some little african american girls and if we started our paper work by at least next week we could have a little girl by Febuary, I just thought that was so great and I was actually pretty excited! ( I always get ahead of myself) well after really thinking about it and talking to kyle that night reality kicked in! My health isn't really that great right now and I do need to get my surgery not just for the whole baby situation but so they can figure out a way so I'm not always in pain, we are going to start building a house hopefully by spring, and the costs of adoption has gone up and we would need to save for a little while! (its so sad the price they put on the little kids around the world that need homes) And like Kyle said we can keep our options open but we also need to take one step at a time.
Every time I talk to the Lord about this subject I always get the same answer that I need to keep my options open, and I need to do my part and get my surgery done! I know for a fact that I will adopt one day it could be sooner or later on in my life and it won't just be one! but every time I do pray about this something always comes up like a lesson in church or something some one says to me that just always reminds me to keep my options open. Today in my parents ward Brother Bartholomew was teaching our class and the topic was on
Family Responsibilities:
He went through and told us what the church thinks is the responsibity of the kids and the father and then he got to the mother and what he read just really got to me and touched me!

Responsibilites of the Mother
President David O. Mckay said that motherhood is woman's NOBLEST CALLING it is a sacred calling, a PARTNERSHIP WITH GOD in bringing his spirit children into the world. A mother's most important responsibility is to bring children into the world and to care for and teach them. Bearing children is one of the GREATEST OF ALL BLESSINGS.
Elder Boyed K. Packer praise women who were unable to have children of their own yet sought to care for others. He said "When I speak of mothers, I speak not only of those women who have borne children but also of those who have fostered children born to others, and of the many women who, without children of their own, have mothered the children of others"
what President David O. Mckay and Elder Boyed K. Packer said just really hit me today and has helped me with some answers I have been searching for! The good news out of all this is I have a doctors appointment with my specialist and we are going to be setting a date for my surgery and I will finally be getting some answer and even though it might not be the exact answers we are looking for I now know who to go to for some adoption agencies!